I sent my wife on errand so I could commit suicide - Bishop Chris Kwakpovwe

How hard could life be for a pastor, to the extent that he chose to commit suicide and abandon his ministry, his lovely wife and beautiful children! But that is part of the life-story of Bishop Chris Kwakpovwe, a successful pharmacist turned successful pastor.

As a young pharmacist, graduate of University of Ife, life was cool. From one high paying job to another. But God kept knocking the door, calling him to a full time ministry. He ignored the call. Which led to great consequences. And when he finally accepted to go into full time ministry, he performed great miracles but he had no miracle! One day he woke up, decided that he had been through enough hardship. He dropped his children at school, sent his wife on errand, brought out the rope he had earlier bought and tied it on his neck!

The life story of Bishop Chris Kwakpovwe is the type that good Nollywood scripts are made of. Indeed a box office material. In this interview with Paul Ukpabio, the Bishop tells his own moving story.

Every big Pastor has a salvation story. Can you share your's with us?

I began the Christian in 1976 the Christian race begins with being born again. Being born again means salvation. So I got born again February 1976. I was in secondary school class 3. I started to preach. And that was at Government College, Ughelli in Delta state. The day I got born again, I was forced to attend a service. It was the normal hostel life, two seniors were fighting and my friends and I decided to go and watch. My school father then was in the local scripture union which normally meets after prep. He caught me watching the fight slapped me and ordered me to go for the SU meeting. I ran but he held unto my shorts, beat me, forced me to the SU meeting. Just now I realise that this sort of thing has been happening in my life. I have been progressing through the force of battle! When I entered the SU meeting room, there were about seven people. But that was how God planned it for me. My school father said to me, 'if you leave I will deal with you.' As we were about to pray, something happened. It was like the heavens opened and I was rolling on the floor. I began to shout fire, fire, fire. The whole hostel was suddenly in pandemonium. Everybody thought it was physical fire and started running. Some carried buckets of water. I was on the floor, shouting and rolling out of the room. That was how it started for me.

So where did the fire take you to?

From Government College I went to University of Ife to study Pharmacy. When I got to Ife, I was still a small boy, campus was for adults, there were grown up adults everywhere. But they saw something different in the small boy which I was. My dedication to things of God stood me out. I was usually the first to arrive for fellowship for instance, arranging chairs, cleaning the place. Then it was only one Christian group on campus unlike now, where there are so many of them on campus. And we were about a thousand in number. It was called The Evangelical Union ECU, Professors, other lecturers were in it. We were meeting on Tuesdays, The fire was on me, it showed in my diligence. So I was made the Assistant General Secretary. From there at the next election I became the Organising PRO then the Vice President. So throughout my stay on campus it was fire, fire, fire.

Upon graduation, you were supposed to be a Pharmacist. How did you combine that with the fire for Christianity?

I practised Pharmacy for ten years. I worked in a private firm and when it was too much work for me, I moved into government employment as a senior pharmacist. But at a stage, I couldn't cope again, with the government work where I closed at 3pm. People were coming for prayers even during office hours. The pharmacy door would be open and people will be asking to see the pastor. So I knew it was time to go. Even God told me leave the hospital. He told me to leave pharmacy. But I didn't. I told myself that I could cope with pharmacy and the ministry.

I began the ministry in 1992. It was just a fellowship. It was called Chapel of Liberty. My reasoning was that I am a multi task person. But I became sick. I knew I was going to die. My fear was, if I leave pharmacy, I will die. So I prepared for God to take me early, which I thought was better, because the way I saw it, either ways I was going to die. But God replied that I will never die. I was still a young pastor, I didn't have faith. I was scared. I had faith for God, but not faith to leave the work that I was doing that was generating income for me. I didn't have a friend who had done it before, who could advice me. My father did not do it. The pastors then were few and the ones that we saw, were wretched. Not like today! So I said no, I will work. I struggled on.

But I became sick. I was bleeding from the nose. I woke up in the morning and I found out that my clothes was wet, blood everywhere on my chest. I was using cotton wool to hold back blood from my nose. I was rushed to the Federal Medical Centre at 1004 Flats in Victoria Island. That was then when the senators were residents there. I was their pharmacist. I was on bed rest but still bleeding. I was on drip. After a while, I called the nurse to give me a paper and pen. She asked me why I needed that. I replied that I knew why I was on the hospital bed. They brought it to me. Right there on the hospital bed, I wrote my letter of resignation. I would have actually done it earlier, but each time, I was tempted to resign, my boss increased my salary. He would ask me why I wanted to resign, or did he offend me in anyway? I would reply that I wanted to resign for God, he would again ask me if I thought he was against God. He actually allowed me to take the Federal job but insisted that I work on part time consulting for him. He was going into manufacturing and working on setting up a plant outside Lagos. I was the one setting up the production plant for him with the assistance of a bank. He was very big. He had technical partners from abroad. For me, shuttling to work outside Lagos, sooner affected my church attendance on Sundays. When I complained, he accepted that I should not be travelling out again but be based in Lagos, but the work must continue.

What happened next?

So that day on the hospital bed, I didn't look back again, I resigned. Five minutes after I wrote that letter, the Lord told me, 'forget your laptop, forget your professional books, don't go back there. If you want those items, send somebody to go and collect them for you, don't go there because if you do, the man will hold you down.' Again five minutes later, the medical team came for the normal ward round, I was told, 'pharmacist, you have improved today.' The nurse shouted 'no he has not improved, he was bleeding just moments ago today.' But the doctor replied that, from what he was seeing, I have totally recovered. They removed the cotton wool, and the blood had totally dried up. Within another ten minutes, I was discharged. The sickness was gone. I was looking pale though but good to go. I was given some drugs and told to go. But I knew I didn't even need all the drugs because my energy was restored few minutes after. From that day, I went into full time ministry.

So my advice to pastors intending to go into ministry is to make sure that it is God that is calling them before they go into ministry and not just a feeling that God wants them in ministry because even Saint Paul in the bible was working. He was building tents. He wrote nine books of the bible but had a secular business of his own.

What has been the challenges of ministry since you started ministry?

The challenge has been my normal fears which was money, then also, ministry requires one to be focussed. Again, there is the problem of needs of the ministry, personal needs, how does one cope with that? There is also wisdom which is very much needed in ministry work. Wisdom is a challenge because if you don't know how to manage money you are gone!

How did money start coming into your ministry?

Unfortunately, I have never believed in preaching about money in my ministry. That is why mine was different! I know there are pastors who are gifted in fund raising, but not me! Maybe that is their gift. For me, I am not gifted in that direction. Money came through miracles to me. Everything that I have, came to me by miracles. I preach the bible and sometimes I even forget to collect offerings and members will shout offering, offering, offering! sometimes I'm about saying the grace of God to end the service and the members remind me that they are with their offerings and tithes. So the question is how does money come in. Personally it has been by miracles.

Then what is the role of money in ministry?

Money has always been a challenge in the ministry. But more than money, is the challenge of people. Its difficult to trust people. There is the challenge of people you trust disappointing you, workers, family members, friends, people you give instructions to, amongst these set of people I have mentioned, they follow you about, but the motives are wrong. People are in church for different motives, it is a big challenge! You have two hundred people in church, how do you know their various motives? I know the mango tree, if I plant it, It will grow after a certain period of time. I can predict the guava tree. I can predict yam maybe between three months and six months, maize three months, it will grow and give me what to eat. But I can never predict a human being. The ones that you think you know, when they descend on you or when they betray you, then you realise it is a difficult world. Someone promised to be here with me as I speak to you. But he is not here. He nearly used his life to swear he will be here! So this is my challenge. God reminds me that all these people came to meet me because He has deposited something in me. A grace, an anointing. It is important to wait for the people God give you because it is not everybody that comes to you that God has sent to you. Some people send themselves to you on a motive. Another  advice I have for young pastors, is to be focused on the work. For instance you use money to buy a shirt and the shirt attracts women and then you are distracted and follow the women and leave the work of God. It should not be so. Don't focus on the people in church, focus on God. A pastor will be the biggest fool if he takes away his eyes from God who gave that glory and power and focus on the crowd. Never focus on the crowd and never trust a man.

Like you said, pastors used to be seen as wretched? The emphasis today is on wealth creation, what have you to say to this?

 

In those days I was afraid to leave my well paid employment to be a pastor because the pastors then looked wretched. So I struggled with the calling until I was at the verge of death. Then Kenneth Higgins came along. You know God deals with the church with revelatory levels. There was a season that what the church needed was salvation not money. Just get born again. Then we could worship in the sun or in the rain. Even in Lagos here, people were going to churches erected with bamboos. That was the move of God then. But God does not remain in one place. He moves around. At a stage God moved to the area of prosperity. Look at Abraham, he prospered meaning you can serve God and be rich, they did not see the scriptures that said that the richest man in the world at a particular time was King Solomon, someone who served the Lord. A man of God though very controversial. He was born out of adultery but God decided to use him. You cannot judge these things. The Queen of Sheba came looking for King Solomon. At a stage, the church got that revelation that it is not our lot to be under. So why will a Babalawo or a cultist be cruising a Jeep and the man of God has no car? Then anger for change came in. There was a time for instance that our parents were poor and then anger came upon the land that there must be a change. So they started sending their children to school and that created the difference. The same pattern. The church began to discover money and pastors began to preach prosperity. Some pastors even got to the point of using gimmicks faking miracles. Thank God I never witness such. At a point money became over-emphasised.

These days, we have also heard of people trying to take advantage of pastors through blackmail and so on. What do you have to say about this?

In most cases it emanates from struggles within the church for the so-called money. There are people in the church that can use females within the church for the so-called money. There are people in the church that can use women within the church, to tempt the pastor. Or even use the government to attract a pastor. Take for instance the man that used a finance bill to try to force Pastor Adeboye off the headship of the church. He was a member of the church! Well, I don't know if he is still a member there now. He saw the system of the church, instead of going to meet the father in the Lord, he went to government, went to the senators, some of who did not even know such a law existed, because he wanted to curb the powers of the pastor. And God prevailed, it was suspended immediately. That is an example of an internal battle faced by pastors.

I have been a victim. So sometimes they use women to tempt the pastor. When those set of people in the church notice that there is or are some women that are close to you in church, they try to use them against the pastor. For example, there was a certain period in my life when a lady was working with me and holding my phones. She was using it to post church videos on my behalf. Sometimes she is off with the phone and I start looking for my phone and she says she is somewhere. I was nearly a victim because in that instance, your voice could be replicated. By taking your phones away, what they do with them you don't know. If God sees that you are sincere He will help you out of any situation. Today people can manipulate voices. The voice will just be like you. And before you know it, people could be screaming man of God in sexual scandal. Those who know the truth were able to read through the line. If someone working with you has access to your phones as a pastor to download your videos, or audios or replying messages on your behalf, then you need to be careful. I have about twelve phones and my church members working with me use them. Your voice can be cloned and the next thing you are involved in a scandal. People who try to set pastors up, are looking for nothing else but the money. I have experienced it.

Another time a youth leader in my church used my private phone to propose marriage to a lady abroad, implying that I have approved of the marriage. But the lady somehow was not convinced of the voice. She had my other lines which she used to call me to verify. I was shocked. Some people use the phone to ask people for money saying fake things like we are involved in a project and we need money. Staff can do anything with your phone.

Today, we know that your wife is involved in your ministry, tell us at what point did you get married?

There came to a point when I was regularly seeing more and more women around me and the temptation was becoming much. When you start growing in ministry, to avoid fornication, a wise pastor must get married so I got married to my wife. Apart from money, women issues are real issues. My wife is special. I praise women, they are worth being famous too.

You have Daily Manna which has become popular in many countries, where did the inspiration come from?

After some years, the ministry I started ran into crisis. I called it mid-life crisis which 85% of people go through. One day, I will turn that period into a book. So I went to the market and bought a rope to kill myself. My wife did not know. That was 18 years ago. That morning, I had gone to drop my children in school. Before then, I had been telling my wife that I was going to kill myself. I was telling God repeatedly to take me away because the problems were too much for me. As I was about to kill myself, to hang myself and to destroy myself, I heard a voice telling me 'you have passed the test. Between 8 and 10years, you have been praying for other people who have been getting results, but you have not been getting your own results instead you have been having bad dreams, accusations, and excruciating pain.' It was like a rain turned into flood. So I asked God, why did you wait for so long before coming? I didn't even know then that suicide was a sin. I thought if you can confess your sins but the last sin which is the death, who will confess it? I sent my wife to buy something then I moved into action and then a voice continued 'all what you have been through, is not unto death but unto the fulfilment of destiny unto millions.' The voice was repeating itself in my head loudly. You shall write, you shall write as you have suffered so that through you, millions shall come out of that same suffering. I asked again, 'Lord where have you been?' After that, strength came into me. all my fears were gone.I can tell you today that when suicide spirit get into people, they don't know what they are doing, it is a spirit of its own. At that moment, the person thinks that is the best option. I came down and the message continued in my head 'you shall write, you shall write, that is how the Daily Manna came about. I got revelation for Daily manna, but my wife told me  to add 'our' to it. So it was she that added the 'Our' to it. I prayed and the Lord said to me, 'add the our to it. So we have Our Daily Manna. We started 18 years ago with 50 copies in Delta but today its around the world.

What attracted you to your wife?

I wouldn't say it was beauty because at the beginning she wasn't like the way she is now. She was very slim. Her love for God attracted me. So did her passion for the things of God. I saw her and I said to myself, 'this lady loves God.' I was totally attracted to her passion for God.

Do you have private moments with family, when do you find time to relax?

 

I am a writer and not just a pastor. Most pastors who write books write every three or five years. I write books every three months. For instance when I leave here now I am going to preach, tomorrow a big crowd is coming, I will preach. Night and day I write, so when do I relax. When I was much younger, there was nothing like relaxation. But now that I am getting older, I run home to mommy when I need rest. And again when I travel outside the country, there, I find time to rest. But here, even when I am writing, she doesn't come near me. We are working hard. As a writer, it is a lonely world and with millions of people around the world to hear from you, one cannot sit down and be idle. To get inspiration to write is a lonely life. On sunday mornings the big crowd is there, you preach. But once service is over, they are gone, it's a lonely life. I live a lonely life. So I go home to stay with mommy. Staying with my family is the way to relax.

Are you fulfilled, do you have any regret going into the ministry?

I do not have regret but if I say I do not have a pain, I would be joking. Once in a while, I wish I weren't called, because of the attacks, because I am always in the forefront of other peoples bullet. So I don call it regret because I am very fulfilled happy and blessed. I don't even deserve where I am but once in a while I say 'Oh God, why am I visible, I want to serve you with fire but don't let people know me,' but God has not answered that prayer. Everything I do, even makes me more popular. I am 41 years now in the Lord and I have been praying that prayer for as long as I can remember. I am even writing a book on that now, titled, 'the prayer God refused to answer. I ask God to make me the least but not the last.  But now if I cough everybody hears. you see the irony of life?

Its a time of recession in the country what can you say about this as regard to your lifestyle and to Christians in general?

Even in the churches expenditure is not dropping because the generators must still run and administrative work must be done. For pastors, we have to continue to have faith in God because even in recession, God can make a way for His work. The work of a pastor cannot die because of recession. It is God's work, it can never suffer. For Christians, if you know that you are serving God, His word says 'I have been young, now I am old, I have never seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging bread.' God will make a way where there is no way. Christians must remember that this is not the first recession, and it can never be the last. In the bible we read of how Joseph was sold into Egypt, it was a big recession that made even his parents and entire family run to Egypt to beg for corn. What the bible call famine is recession. The bible also says that 'Isaac sold in famine and got hundred fold where others were complaining so God is almighty. In this recession, God can change your business and you can become another Isaac in Nigeria. 

Tell us about your sense of fashion and style

(Laughs) Today you can see that I am officially dressed in my Bishop robe. Due to my earlier profession, I am usually formally dressed in suits. But I also like to wear African fashion.

You have gone through many experiences in life, what will you say success is to you?

Success is the grace of God, grace in the sense that two people may go through same thing, same experience, it kills one and doesn't kill the other. Some things I have gone through kill one of my friends. He died through same experience. So it wasn't because I am very intelligent, it was the grace of God. The same malaria can kill one person and not kill another. It is the mercy of God. The sin that kills others may not kill you. It is the mercy of God. It is the mercy of God that is the seed of success. Sometimes you don't even feel like serving God or you feel like leaving but God starts looking for you. Meanwhile there are millions of people searching for God, but that same God is looking for you that does not even want to look for Him. That is God's mercy. It leads to success and you can't explain it. Look at Jonah running from God, imagine that! God that can get hold of him and squeeze him and finish him. But God insisted that He must use the man Jonah. Meanwhile there were so many people then crying to be used but God did not use them. That is mercy. Success is not from connections or from one being sharp but mercy of God.